Satirical corner

Satirical Corner – January 2021

After refraining from reading the retrospectives in December, because we already knew that the coronavirus had dominated the news throughout the year – and we are also a little fed up with hearing about it – I offer to you a more positive outlook on 2021. And let’s be honest, 2021 can’t be worse than 2020 anyway. And I’m not even thinking about the poll results for the CSV.

Corinne Cahen and Claude Lamberty – and a handful of hardcore I-go-to-each-GA-groupies will not need to attend 171 general meetings of local DP sections this year. This alone will improve Luxembourg’s climate balance by 0.0074%, so it is high time to enlarge the green dot of the DP logo a little. For the Greens, that doesn’t weigh as much in the balance. Traditionally, no one goes to their general meetings and if they do, they get around demonstratively by bike. The cancellation of general meetings and New Year’s receptions also has a positive effect on health: less alcohol and fewer canapés. If you ever want to go through a month without alcohol, January 2021 is the perfect opportunity!

This year CSV will continue its search for a leader, a captain, a new Juncker, whatever. However, I think that they are starting to realize that such a man will not fall from heaven and the hope of finding a Messiah by 2023 is diminishing. This is why Martine Hansen announced on RTL that she could well imagine that CSV will run as a team in the next election. It reminds me of a football team that does not have an exceptional player in its ranks, who can decide a match on his own. In this case, it is customary to highlight the “strength” of the team.

By saying that the children of the City of Iron were particularly poorly educated and that the teachers had no work to do, a former substitute teacher in primary school caused a lot of unrest in the “garden shed”-municipality of Differdange, but also amongst teachers from all over the country. This “Luxembourg’s most controversial youtuber” (I did not know him) who is responsible for the social networks of the Pirates (which is not surprising), also had to learn never to break rule #1 on social networks: never say anything against teachers in Luxembourg! He also had to learn that he should never offer his Rolex for sale on Facebook and try to sell it behind the main train station on a Saturday evening. In short, the good guy now wants to buy himself a new Rolex. And people are still telling me that the DP is the “Bling-Bling” party!

But there are also more joyful things that await us this year: the repeated cancellation of the “Päischtcroisière”, Cristiano Ronaldo must again return to the Josy Barthel Stadium, sufficient wild boars for the next battues and you no longer need to take the Journal to the Recycling Center because it will be 100% digital.


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