Satirical Corner – November 2020

Satirical corner

The corona virus is omnipresent again! This is already evident in the toilet paper index in supermarkets. The shelves look very empty again. Happy are those who have frozen a portion of their huge toilet paper stock from March! But nobody really wants a lockdown in bad weather. Most of us – including the Minister for Family Affairs Corinne Cahen – have meanwhile done every pedestrian circuit in the country.

To avoid getting worse, we just have to abide by the rules. For illegal parties in the forest, it’s too cold now anyway. In schools, they also have to keep airing, airing and airing the classrooms. You do not get the corona, but a good cold. And that has not hurt anyone yet!

In these dark times, another historic event provided some entertainment: the first digital CSV congress. The best opposition party of all time actually wanted to wait with their congress until the pandemic is over and its members are allowed out of the retirement homes again.

But because the virus simply doesn’t want to go away, they had to rely on the modern frippery and set up a digital congress. But who’s in charge in the CSV pool of sharks now? In the duel between Frank Engel (who is still party chairman) and Martine Hansen (currently still parliamentary group leader) there was unfortunately no clear winner. But another shooting star from the party emerged: Marc Fischbach from Mersch. Although he was not sure whether to sing or listen to the national anthem, I think he has a great future ahead of him in that party. In addition, father Galles brought back the “C” of the people’s party. In his sermon, he thus kept the few lambs happy who have not yet torn up their party membership card.

In Parliament, a long time MP has retired: Gast Gibéryen. You may know him from Youtube-blockbusters such as “Greens are getting expensive”, “How the Greens fool the Luxembourgish people” or “There has never been so much concreting sustainable green grass as under a green minister”. For those who miss his green bashing, only former Minister of Concrete Robert Goebbels’ readers’ letters, in which he regularly devours the greens, will remain.

Hopefully, the liberal group leader will be spared from that. Baum (German for “tree” for those not so fluent in Goethe’s language [mäin Zousaz, Y.]) wants to plant trees against climate change. Let someone else accuse me of bad word jokes!

Besides Corona, our country was confronted with other, even worse news: Fred Keup from Holzwee2030 has entered Parliament. He had to swear “fidelité au Grand-Duc” in French. However, he was well prepared, because he regularly reads “LeMonde”, as he emphasizes at every opportunity. In the coming years he will definitely strive for his ideals and try to achieve his greatest political goal: to give the new football stadium “Stade de Luxembourg” a Luxembourgish name! You have to set your priorities right!